I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
