so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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