..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
