You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
