im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
