Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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