I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
