I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
