the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
