I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
