In the future we'll all be gay
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
