I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The best revenge is premature balding
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
