if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
