afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
