naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
