i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
