Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
