I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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