:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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