Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
