oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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