So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
