the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We named our party play list daddy issues
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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