its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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