Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
