i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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