T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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