When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
