cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize