You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
