it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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