She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
