you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I love having hate sex.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
