two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
A+ Viking dick
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
