I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
