Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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