whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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