I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
