My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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