It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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