just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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