dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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