Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
