The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
