i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
