It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
