he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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