I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
