Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
