so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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