He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
