Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
then he tried to convert me to islam
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
