Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
