The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
